#AskHauterfly: What The Hell Is A Situationship?
“So, are you guys dating?”
“Is he your boyfriend?”
“But why aren’t you guys in a relationship if you like each other?”
These questions have been haunting me for the last few days and, honestly, all I could say was, ‘it’s complicated’ because ‘I don’t know’ seemed a little dumb. I just never understood what I had with the guy who I had feelings for, but who I still introduced as just a friend.
Then 2 days ago, I came across this really interesting article in Cosmo that introduced a new dating term to the world — ‘situationship’ — and all of a sudden, everything was crystal clear.
Let’s Define It
In simple terms, a situationship is, well, a situation when you’re more than just ‘friends with benefits’, but not in a ‘committed relationship’. You meet the guy, go on dates, hook up, and have intimate conversations, but when people ask you what’s going on, you get tongue-tied.
Staying over or meeting him more than thrice a week, leaving your toothbrush at his place because, you know, you will be back — that is how certain you are about each other, but ‘we are just friends’ is your favourite phrase.
Sounds familiar? Well, now you and I have a term to define the state of our love lives. A state I’m currently going through. And funnily enough, we had developed our own term for this phase weeks ago — friends + some, because friends with benefits seemed too trivial.
In a situationship, you form an emotional connection with your significant other that is absent in a usual, Friday-night, drunken hookup sesh. And that’s why, by being in such a situation, you are slowly, but surely, ruining yourself.
Because you care for each other, have legit feelings for each other, and yet, you run away from labels. And sometimes that’s okay. It’s alright to not give a name to the bond you share, but in the long run, it can be destructive.
In the moment, you just want to have fun and forget about the future, not make any plans beyond the weekend. The safety net of that someone always being there, whether you have a nightmare at 3 am or you are just having a bad day at work, seems so fascinating that staying in that fairytale gives you immense pleasure.
And this might last for days, weeks, or even years, depending on when you want to face the truth.
Avoiding ‘The Talk’ is one of your major skills and staying in the little, happy bubble is what you opt for, every time the topic of a serious conversation comes up. I can not-so-proudly say that I’ve…been there, done that.
Here’s What You Gotta Do!
This phase is great for a while, but then you need to get your shit together and talk it out. It can either turn into a relationship, which, of course, gives you a separate set of problems.
Or things won’t work out, but at least you’ll get closure. You can move on with your life and do other things (no pun intended!). Running away from the situation probably sounds great at the moment, but trust me when I say this, a few months in, you will want to kill him and yourself.
But the best thing to do is to set boundaries right at the beginning, so as to avoid any drama later. It is better to know everything right from the start, rather than dealing with a broken heart later.
Coming back to me, I did have the chat and though I would want things to turn out differently, I’m at peace. And you deserve this feeling too. So, go ahead and talk it out, because what’s the worst that could happen? Nothing worse than being left hanging, right?
PS: Just go watch 500 Days Of Summer and you’ll know what I’m talking about.