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5 Thoughts I Had When I Watched The Trailer For Bhoot, The Haunted Ship. All Of Them Were About How Funny It Is.

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Every few years, Bollywood tries its hand at different genres. This time the theme is “horror” but I think Bhoot missed the memo. In fact, there was the memo, and a million light years away, it was Bhoot, The Haunted Ship. I love horror movies, so I know what good horror is supposed to look like and Bhoot is not it. The trailer is predictable, and more funny than scary which can’t be a good thing to say for a horror movie. Here are five thoughts I had while watching the trailer.

Can we also discuss why Indian horror movies are, overall, just rehashes of everything else? Nothing about this trailer is new or fresh or even decaying and mouldy. I may have slept through a bit of it, it was that boring.

PS: When you watch the trailer, you can play ‘Where’s Bhumi?’ and I bet you will lose.

1.  Hasn’t Vicky Kaushal ever watched a horror movie before? It is a thumb rule that you never ever venture into a creepy looking ship/house/building/warehouse etc etc alone at night. Things do not end well, they never have. It is like the characters in “horror” movies want to be murdered by ghosts. Besides, an evil-looking ship landing on Juhu Beach because of bad weather is not a premise anyone would ever believe. First of all, the ship would hit a bunch of fishermen who will be angry, then shanties and then a few bungalows of Bollywood celebrities. Maybe that’s the scary bit in this movie? All the people the ship could possibly get sued by?

2. Was this supposed to be funny? Is it supposed to be a spoof and we don’t know it? Because it looks like they picked up all the extra ghosts hanging around on the sets of horror movies being made elsewhere and offered them a new work contract. Is it only me or were you’ll laughing too when that woman decides to walk into that locker/cupboard on board the ship and tries to scare someone on the phone? I mean, even a kid knows that is the worst idea on earth. This is why when the guy comes looking for her and she springs out of that locker it is so funny.

Also Read: 5 Thoughts I Had While Watching The Trailer Of Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan. One Of Them Was About That Steamy Kiss

3. Why does the ghost of that woman crawl backward on the wall? Clearly, crawling normally isn’t good enough now. We imagine that ghost is Bhumi but that object that’s scuttling around looks so fake, we didn’t even buy it for a second. It looks like that iconic staircase scene from The Exorcist, but done so badly, you want to pluck the ghost off the wall and give her a good talking down to about not doing a good job at being spooky. But think about it, every time an alive character in a horror movie turns, you know the ghost is going to show up in the background. So, meh.  Also, what is it with women ghosts and hair? Is there no shampoo available in the paranormal world? Let’s just sit down and talk about hair hygiene, okay?

Also Read: 5 Thoughts I Had After Watching Haan Main Galat From Love Aaj Kal 2. One Of It Was About How Marie Kondo Needed To Be On The Set

4. TBH, Vicky Kaushal (as handsome as he looks) has the worst job on the planet in this movie. I mean,  in practically every second scene of this trailer he is either getting thrown, pushed off and beaten to death by the ghost. This is called dedication to your job and it is admirable because I know I would quit on the first day. Also, what is that scene with the glass cracking? If I saw my mirrors crack, I am going channel my inner Usain Bolt and run out of there. That is the normal reflex, right? But Vicky doesn’t seem to mind it since he stands there and inspects it. Then when the ghost shows up (because obviously) again instead of getting scared, he tries to catch her. What the fuck is going on there? He should’ve watched all 15 seasons of Supernatural before signing this “horror” movie.

 

5. Spotting Bhumi Pednekar in this trailer is no less than spotting Waldo in Where’s Waldo. Actually, that is easier. Bhumi Pednekar apparently plays the ghost and the only reason I spotted her was because I watched the trailer like 5 times (I have no life, guys). She is the vanishing woman, guys look closer. Is she the ghost? Is she some random woman haunting Vicky Kaushal? What is her role? From doing women empowerment roles to playing an evil/ unintentionally funny ghost who is haunting Vicky Kaushal, her career graph is well, interesting. I am going to watch this movie, not as a horror or to spot Bhumi (which would be interesting) but just to sit in that theatre and laugh my ass off.

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