This Woman’s Boyfriend Said She Looks Ugly Without Makeup. Dump Him, If He Can’t Like You For Who You Are.
I have worked hard to criticism-proof my self-worth and it’s not been an overnight journey. We come from a culture where appearance-shaming is often done jokingly, and somehow we are just supposed to take it with a pinch of salt. Dusky women will vouch for the number of times they have been made fun of, in the most apathetic, ridiculous ways. Imagine someone telling you that you look ugly without makeup.
Some men feel an annoying sense of ownership of their partners and will go on to have expectations that only Beyonce can fulfil. A woman shared her ordeal on Reddit after her long-distance boyfriend thought he has the right to tell her she looks unattractive without makeup on. “My boyfriend and I are now in an LDR and two days ago I got so upset because he told me that I wasn’t putting so much effort in meeting him online. He told me that he thinks I was unattractive without any makeup on and when he sensed that I was feeling upset about it (I was tearing up), he said that ALL girls are unattractive without makeup on. He then added that I needed to dress up whenever we would meet online,” she wrote. Telling your girlfriend or any human being that they look ugly without makeup is so sick.
Erm, these men who go on to tell their girlfriends whether they should put on makeup or not, do they know they don’t own us? She added, “We have a time difference of 3 hours and I work during the day and would talk to him mostly around 9 or 10 pm when I am already ready to go to bed and have taken my makeup off and I’m already in my PJs. He hates my PJs too. He said that I should be wearing night gowns etc etc.” Oh yes, expect your girlfriend to have butter smooth skin, not a single hair on her body, dressed in a silk night gown with a full makeup face just to see your unappreciative ass on a video call. I mean, that’s our job, right? To doll up and look flawless for men because it’s not like we want quality men who know that women are human too.
And yet, the girl was still trying to find a way to empathise or understand this man’s horrible behavior. She wrote, “I mean, I would have listened to him and would have done all of it for him if he hadn’t said it in such a condescending way. I felt so small and so ugly afterwards. I tried to tell him that he was being rude and degrading but he just doesn’t get it and he thinks that it’s normal to say it in that manner. I really want to end it but at the same time, he has been in home quarantine for 10 days and hasn’t been out of the house. Maybe the isolation is getting to him? but is it a valid reason to be mean to anyone?” No, hon, don’t let him manipulate you into believing that being called ugly without makeup is okay.
“I was deadass just thinking this. People are in relationships with complete assholes and I can’t find shit? Like I ain’t perfect by any means but goddamn,” a guy wrote. “This is a weird thing to get upset over. I’d just be happy to see her on the damn call,” another guy responded.
Another user added, “ALL girls are unattractive without makeup?” Please tell me he didn’t honestly say that; if he did, then he’s more than just condescending. He’s sexist, shallow, superficial and childish. He also needs to be kicked to the curb before he’s allowed to continue making you feel badly by making other petty demands.” This guy is sexist and dumb. To think that this could have been a good save is just so stupid. Does he have any understanding of how humans function?
A user pointed out, “I second that! If he really cares for you he wouldn’t be telling how to dress or that you’re unattractive. So what if you guys start living together? You supposed to be all dolled up 24/7? If he thinks all girls are unattractive without make up. He’s clearly immature and he hasn’t seen a real woman. Girl this is the biggest red flag! Run!!!” If he thinks women are ugly without makeup, he is dumb af and knows nothing about real women.
This person literally spoke my heart out. Each time men just expect their women to be all prepped all the time, I think of this scene and how insecure women have been since ages. “You ever watch the Marvelius Mrs. Maisel? It’s set in the 60’s. There’s a scene in the first episode where she pretends to fall asleep, and once her husband starts snoring she gets up, puts on an over ight face moisturizer, does something to her hair, and goes back to sleep.Then it scene switches to the morning. She jumps out of bed before the alarm goes off, washes off the moisturizers, takes the whatevers out of her hair, does some “no make-up makeup,” gets back in bed, and pretends to be just waking up as her husband hits the snooze, and he jokes about her being able to sleep through anything,” the user wrote.
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I have met guys who want their partners to be perfect all the time – with well-manicured nails, no belly fat, stilettos, and the kind of makeup they like. And believe me, I cannot give a shit about it. I cannot do nail polish at all times unless this man is willing to pay for someone to come and do it for me. I cannot for the love of God do stilettos and it’s my face so I will do what I want with it. I am sorry but if a guy has too much “feedback” about my appearance, I will blatantly ask him to take his entitled ass someplace else. It’s a lot of pressure being perfect and that too for another person. Be with someone who likes you for who you are; this is not a sims game. If you think she looks ugly without makeup, walk away.
When I started gaining weight, my family and friends thought it was cool to make fun of me and even took the liberty to comment on my appetite. Why? Because according to them, it is funny and I was supposed to laugh. But it was hurting my self-worth. I allowed my well-intentioned loved ones to make fun of me until I just couldn’t. So I put my foot down and told them it’s not right and it won’t be entertained. And my BMI is still within the normal range so I cannot imagine what women bigger than me go through. This kinda pressure to alter your appearance for the viewing pleasure of others is just one of the sickest things born out of our society.
When your self-worth is perforated (and it often begins at home!), you grow up and allow the men you date to widen those cavities. But when you cement your self-worth each day, refusing to believe that there is only one standard definition of beauty, you make it puncture-proof. No Tom, Dick or Harry will hold the right to concern themselves with your appearance.