#Relationships: Ladies, Why Are We Being Loyal When We Aren’t Even Committed? I Am Doomed But Save Yourself
Like most people, I like attention, especially from the gender I am interested in. When a guy asks you to go for a walk with him post the dinner date, you feel reassured that yes, the date went well. If I like someone and another guy says he has a crush on me, I won’t deny, it would flatter me. But my heart is essentially a monogamist and I am not trained to genuinely feel interested in more than one man – at least not equally. Ladies, even when you had been talking to two or three boys, one of them was your main guy, right? But you don’t want to put all your eggs in one basket.
However, when you come closer and your main guy begins to attract all your attention and feelings, the other guys just get into stand-by mode. This guy is already giving you butterflies and making your dopamine levels rocket up. As you spend more time together, even in a room full of Chris Evans look-alikes, your eyes would glance through them, right back to his adorable face. And then you realise that your fun days are over! You want to be with him, just him but he isn’t committing to you. And yet, no other guy catches your fancy anymore.
With all your romantic focus on this one guy, keeping one of your eggs in another basket feels like you’re cheating. Except, you aren’t. It sucks because he’s probably out there, going on dates, flirting with women, and here you are, joining Bumble and accessing only the BFF and Bizz side of it. You’re conflicted because you really like him and your monogamous heart wants to be faithful. Here are things you will relate to if you’re as stupid as I.
1) You want to talk to other guys, but you feel disinterested
If I really like someone, I find it tedious to talk to other guys. Like I really cannot get myself to go beyond a few texts and what I end up doing is ghosting them. That makes me look like an ass to five other guys while the one I like is not even texting me. But how do I force myself to feel interested?
2) You have installed and uninstalled a dating app
You are aware that this isn’t exclusive and he is probably juggling female attention. So you decide to not get so attached by spritzing your flirtatious side onto several men. Where do you get so many options? Of course, you sign up on a dating app and start swiping. Except you don’t even feel like hooking up with those guys. I installed an app and got freaked out by a genuinely nice guy wanting to talk to me more. It made me feel really stupid but, like, what do I do even?
3) Making out with someone else would make you feel guilty
Each time you’re reminded that you’re not in a relationship with him, you wonder if you should start acting like it too. Like yes, you are “allowed” to make out with other guys. If you’re in the talking stage or if they aren’t “ready for a relationship” you have the right to see guys who are. But do you? If I really like someone, I want to do just him, no one else.
4) Has he even earned exclusivity?
It really scares me—this whole unable-to-see-other-men thing. He doesn’t want you as a girlfriend and unless you put a commitment on it, you’re essentially single. Why are you swearing loyalty to a situationship? Unless you decide to keep it exclusive, there’s no reason for you to feel guilty talking to other guys. And yet, you do.
5) The uncertainty turns you off
I like to keep my expectations low. I like to remind myself he’s not mine and that I am not his. What I don’t like is uncertainty. If you say it’s casual, keep it casual. If you tell me it’s not exclusive, I will never ask for exclusivity or get possessive again. Once you know what it is, you can take charge of your life and do what you want with it.
Stop being loyal to a guy you’re not committed to. Stop dismissing other guys and focusing all your love on one man, especially if he hasn’t earned that exclusivity. The thing about men is that if they really like you, they pursue you wholeheartedly and aren’t afraid to commit. Well, that’s women too. Anyhoo, you don’t have to be loyal to prove yourself to be good girlfriend material. In the talking stage, if he refuses to be exclusive, you have every right to go fuck anyone you want. Of course, the problem here is you should want it. Like you stop getting attracted to other men but that will only hurt you because you’ll get attached too much. If you’re seeing other guys, you will be attached to none of them, until someone proves worthy of the exclusivity you have to offer.
However, I don’t know if you can ever build a relationship with anyone by keeping one foot out of the door. It never works like that. You have to go all the way in for something substantial to come from it. Millennials are doomed!