Men Shared What Made Them Break Up With Their Partners. It’s Always The Little Things
While Baar Baar Dekho was a movie that didn’t quite agree with its title, just one thing stayed with me from it. Siddharth Malhotra keeps dream travelling into the future and trying to figure just how they ended up getting divorced. Turns out, it was the little things. It’s not the big things that bring you closer or separate you. It’s those little things – how you behave with each other, how attentive you are, etc. These things often influence whether you stay or break up.
So obviously, several people don’t get that. I have dated men who think as long as they are being loyal, there isn’t any reason to complain. And I am like, hello, is that all you are going to do in a relationship? It’s safe to say, all of us have sat down with our besties at least once in our lives (me, several times!) and done a thorough analysis of our breakups. What went wrong? What ticks us off? The good, the bad, the ugly of our past relationships comes with lessons that we share among us. But what about what happens in the lives of the Martians?
Someone asked the men of Reddit at what point they realised that things won’t work and they gotta walk away. The answers were raw and brutally honest as men gathered to share their side of the stories.
A user wrote, “Constantly stressing about the relationship when we were apart. Slowly realized I’d be happier alone, like she was dragging me down.” Another guy added, “I realized too much of my energy was dedicated to figuring out how to not trip her fears and insecurities, and aside from how sick that dynamic is, that somewhere in that I just stopped enjoying being with her.” A guy said he had started dreading the time he had to spend with her. “When I realized that I was relieved when she would leave, that I started to dread spending time with her, and started to think of talking to her as something I needed to “get through”,” he wrote. Honestly, I am not going to just take their words at face value and try to be a judge of who was right and wrong. But when you feel like you’re walking on eggshells every time you are with your partner, it messes up things. A relationship shouldn’t feel like a Final Destination movie.
Some men said they felt their partners weren’t putting any effort into the relationship. “She never initiated anything and expected me to pay for everything,” a guy wrote. Another guy added, “Man, I was always to pay for things because it was the thing boyfriends did. Also never planned dates and told me I wasn’t trying, eventually it just felt like she didn’t care. She would always plan stuff with her friends, but would never plan something with me. I always had to plan everything.”
This in fact, was a very common problem that caused people to break up. Finances weren’t being handled well. And the women stopped putting effort or initiating anything. “well she complained that we wouldn’t do anything together anymore. I tried to find things she wanted to do together and slowly realized she wanted to do things, but not with me. So I let her go. She also didn’t do anything anymore for the relationship and was just complaining instead of finding solutions. I was going to university at the time and she expected me to do all chores because “I wasn’t working”. The fact that I was learning for uni all day and also paying twice as much as she was making for our daily life didn’t count. So yeah. As others in this thread stated, a relationship is made of two,” a user wrote. (we’ve edited this quote for grammar)
A guy summed it up saying, “In short… when things started to get one-sided – “a couple is made of two, not one.”.”
A user said he knew it was time to break up because she became spiteful, “When she lets slip that she’s been cooking extra lunches for someone at work. When every time we discussed pets it turned into “they will love me more than you tho” When we got into a fight and she said things like “I want my pillow back” or “I paid for that blunt wrap, give it to me”. Just spiteful. When she wouldn’t initiate sex at all but complain about the frequency.”
Some guys couldn’t handle daily insults. “She took a swing at me. Instant break up,” a user wrote. Well, that is humiliation and abuse. Another guy added, “When she insulted and beat on a daily basis and blamed everything that went wrong… now 4 four years later I’m still depressed about it and can’t find a way to trust anyone close to get in to a new relationship…” Things can’t work when you lose respect for each other and all you hold is vengeance and in spite! Break up before you end up hating each other?
ALSO READ: Did You Know There Is A Breakup Season? Most Couples Part Ways Around The Holidays So Be Careful
Another guy said he flipped because his wife was controlling and self-centered. “My first wife was very self-centered and we had a lot of fights, but I didn’t really know what was going on until late in the relationship. She basically just had to have everything about her and she was very controlling. I’ll spare the details, but one day it just hit me that no matter what I did, she would never be happy, and just like that I decided it was over. It was like a light switch went off. She agreed it was best, we filed for divorce, and went our separate ways,” he wrote.
He further added, “Just kidding! On the way back from the courthouse, she flipped out on me for not wearing my ring and yelled at me and accused me of starting to date again. I think she wanted me to be hurt by the divorce, but I was so indifferent towards her she got super mad. About 8 months later she heard I was dating someone and ‘remembered’ that I had been stalking her. She drug me through the courts for a few months, but the case finally got dropped. She lived alone with my dog until he died, and now she’s just alone. I’m remarried with 3 kids and much happier.” Well, his decision to break up was good then!