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Is He A Bad Listener? Here’s Why That’s A Major Deal-breaker

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I used to call myself an introvert but after a long-lasting battle with my editor who vehemently refused to buy that, I receded. Okay, I am an ambivert and I may not be talkative all the time, but God bless my friends and their ears when I am. For the record, I have absolutely no difficulty speaking on phone for four hours straight, if it’s someone I connect with. On the other hand, a person I don’t connect with would brush this as a blatant lie because they have seen me quiet as a chair. So they wouldn’t believe but for me, conversations are really important in a relationship, or even in a casual hookup.

If he is not a good speaker, it’s still manageable if you are good at it. But if he is a bad listener, then it’s just a deal breaker. It literally shouldn’t take any effort to be good at listening. All you have to do is keep your ears open and try not to interrupt someone’s sentences. All you have to do is not be judgemental and not be distracted. Wait, that’s actually a lot for some people. Phew. That’s why it is such a task to find a partner who will be a good listener because if he isn’t, it won’t last. Here’s why.

  • Conversation chemistry is underrated

They keep talking about the sexual tension between two people, but have you ever dated someone who could make you laugh? Or someone who makes you bare all that’s in your heart? Being able to have common subjects to talk about shouldn’t be taken for granted.

  • He should care about what I have to say

Does he even care about me if he doesn’t care about what I have to say? Here I am talking about how excited I am about my next work assignment and he can’t help but get distracted by Chelsea’s match on the TV? Boy, bye!

  • He is either impatient or disrespectful

I know sometimes the temptation to interrupt when the other person is speaking is too strong. You want to just make your point or really have a few pressing questions. But last I checked, it was still attractive to have manners. If he can’t hold his train of thoughts for me to finish, would he even be able to hold it until you’ve orgasmed? Think about it.

  • I want to be able to share with my partner without 10 commercial breaks

Even TV channels have started showing one-break movies. I don’t want to feel like I am watching a show on the free, non-premium version of Hotstar. I can’t connect or maintain the flow of conversation when the other person can’t promise undivided attention.

  • His ability to truly listen shows how much he is in tune with your needs

Another wonderful quality of a good listener is that they can gauge when you need them to listen. Sometimes, you just want a listening ear; you don’t want advice or sympathy. Sometimes, you want your loved one to not only hear you out but also give you affection. Okay, not sometimes, it’s all the time. But if he can’t be a good listener, he won’t understand what you truly need and vice versa. I can already tell explaining that would be a long, tedious conversation you will have several times.

  • Feeling heard builds an emotional connection

When you feel that he is there to listen, he begins to feel like home, a place where you won’t be judged. But feeling constantly that you have to try really hard to reach through, it just leaves you feeling exhausted. The emotional connection can really suffer in that case, especially since you withdraw into your shell.

ALSO READ: 7 Reasons I’m Scared To Fall In Love In These Times

  • A good conversation is pre-requisite to good sex

I hate this but I need to like do a bit of pillow talk before making out. But before all of that, I need to have like a really good date night with laughter and so much banter to actually want to even go home with him. Talking to him shouldn’t feel like watching paint and my vagina dry!

ALSO READ: I Couldn’t Orgasm With A Partner For The Longest Time But This One Guy Changed All That


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