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I Know This Casual Romance Will Not Last Forever But Here’s Why I Feel It’s Worth It

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Yesterday, while I sat in the pantry, I overheard two people speak and I know it’s bad manners but it’s not like we’re British. The lady had broken up with her fiancé and the guy with his girlfriend. The guy was barely 23 and the woman was telling him that he has several more breakups to go. And at that point, I wish I could tell him that she is quite right! I am 28 and I have had my share of breakups. Actually, a little more than my share I guess but I have lived through them, clearly. None of these relationships were casual and I wanted to marry each of my exes. Either I was looking at marriage through rose-tinted glasses or I am prone to love blindness. Or I read way too many cheesy novels.

It’s not like I was a wreck through my breakups; I was so strong that my best friend has asked me to cry. Weird, right? It was just that one breakup that hit me really hard. You know the kind that hurts so bad, you’re left with a void that you try to fill with things that you know will never suffice. Alcohol, work and casual dates – I was desperately trying to fill the void with these things. Worse was I couldn’t express my pain, not to another human. I couldn’t cry for the longest time. And then months after the boy of my dreams got married to another woman, I cried till I had no tears and fucks left to give. I began to work on myself and I healed. After that, none of my breakups could break me because I had learned how to build myself up.

The best thing about having healed is that I am not afraid to love and I haven’t lost my faith in it either. I know love is hard to find but I believe it exists and I refuse to carry my emotional baggage on my back like am a pony. And I could be a cute one too. But this article is not about the past or the future. It’s about the present and at this moment, I am very happy with where I am. No, I haven’t found ‘the one’. But I am having fun! I know it’s not love that’s in the air, but it feels a lot like love. Maybe for once, I want to just let loose and be present in the present, feeling things and not thinking. The thing is that the concept of casual romance is rigged. It’s either that you are friends with benefits or you really like each other but don’t have the guts to commit or you think it won’t last. In my case, I really do like him and I know this won’t last, so I am basically preparing for disaster. But here’s why I feel it’s worth it and I am not planning to pre-maturely back out.

It just feels really nice

Honestly, I don’t care about how long this will last because all I know is that it makes me feel good. I enjoy talking endlessly, stealing kisses, holding hands and being lost in his eyes. The memories we make doing nothing are the best.

Breakups are not new to me and so isn’t healing

I know this won’t last forever. We can’t keep at feeling exhilarated but with no strings attached. A few days, weeks or months – I don’t know how long it will take. Casual romances end, but so do most relationships. At the end, I know these moments are worth the time I will invest in making myself whole again.

It’s so tempting

My head says this is not a good idea, but my heart says “Don’t listen to the boring dude up there.” A week into this, and we had decided to stop since we see no future. But we must really be perfect for each other because both of us have shit will power and we fall back in each other’s arms. In our defence, it really is tempting. We make each other happy, it’s super comfortable and when we make love, it’s intense AF. You know how they show in the movies, except when I peep into the mirror and we are looking a lot uglier while at it.

It makes me know myself a little better

After a long time, I am not trying to figure everything out. I am okay with where I am in my career, relationships and in my head. The best part about keeping your headspace free from anxiety is that you can use it to reflect and introspect. So I am using this time to understand myself better and know what really gets me going, apart from this cutie. I am saying yes to more things now, without overthinking. And that’s a good start!

ALSO READ: I Couldn’t Orgasm With A Partner For The Longest Time But This One Guy Changed All That

I would like to see where this goes

I am intrigued by this story. I want to see how it turns out to be. It’s not like I am secretly hoping we’ll marry and make little babies. It’s a tale of modern romance, with two equally affectionate and commitment-phobic but highly compatible characters in the center. We care for each other and that makes things both great and complicated. So I want to really see where this goes and how.

ALSO READ: I Stopped Having Sex For A Year And This Is What I Learnt From My Dry Spell

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