How Self-Love Makes You So Much More Attractive
How do you feel when someone expresses their love and admiration for you? Instantly there’s a spring in your step and you feel like the world is a lot better than it seemed before that declaration. And it need not be romantic love. Even when a friend puts up an appreciation post for you, it makes you feel so ecstatic! You’re brimming with joy, and of course, when it is coming from sweet gestures of a romantic interest, it thrills you even more. If you ask me, when that happiness has its root in self-love, it’s much sweeter.
It’s quite dangerous to base your self-worth and happiness on another person’s sweet words and gestures. We are not new to the fact that oftentimes, that kind of high has heartbreak towing along. Well, we can’t avoid the ups and downs of dating but we can avoid getting our sense of self and happiness from being shattered.
But that’s really not the only reason to practice self-love. It is that one ingredient that can single-handedly turn your life around. You will have complete autonomy over your actions and decisions because fuck what the society deems appropriate. Nothing or nobody will be able to gaslight you into believing that you are not good enough. In fact, you will not entertain low value men who treat their women badly and make the good ones want to disown them.
Self-love gives you immense confidence and you feel motivated to thrive in whatever you do. And that’s because you are seeing just how much you deserve. I have been working on gaslight-proofing myself for a while now. It’s really not an overnight process and I feel that in the past one year, I have become quite good at it.
Yes, there’s an occasional weak moment but I know how to bounce back. And the past two months have been me diving all in. And what did that result in? I made some tough decisions but ones that were waiting to be made. It enabled me to leap forward. I already feel so positive that good things are about to happen.
A collateral improvement has been in my attractiveness. Now I am not going to hum Yashraj Mukhate’s ‘Kya Karu Main’, but I have loving myself and embracing my little imperfections. When you start loving yourself, you become more attractive to yourself. And that makes you more attractive to others. You become this epicenter of radiance and love which attracts only those who can radiate with you. What about those people who try to dull your sparkle? They fail! And that disheartens them so they leave.
Beverly D Flaxington writes in Psychology Today, “Loving one’s self does not mean developing a shell and blocking out the world. It doesn’t mean having an ego so big that no one else can fit into a room with you. It doesn’t mean forgoing relationships because you only enjoy being with yourself. And, while it may be tempting for many, it doesn’t mean you should only have pets for the rest of your life.” You don’t have to become a crazy cat lady or blow your own trumpet. When the right one comes along, they will blow your trumpet. Suddenly, everything sounds very sexual here, but why not?
Flaxington further adds, “It does mean becoming comfortable with who you are. It means recognizing that someone else who didn’t learn unconditional love has a hard time giving it. It means recognizing that most human beings hurt, and they pass this hurt along to other people. Understanding this can help you turn your attention from waiting and wanting someone to make you whole, to realizing you have that ability inside of you.”
They say that a woman who is naturally pretty isn’t interested in fashion or makeup. That’s bullshit. Research says that women who see themselves as beautiful tend to invest more in vanity. I am not talking about becoming superficial but self-love makes you work on yourself—whether you are acquiring a new skill or taking better care of your grooming. Add to that a confident body language and a no-nonsense attitude and there you are, a woman who knows her worth!
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This is why I am not a big fan of self-deprecating humour. It makes you believe it’s true. “Sometimes the things we say to ourselves are the most awful, demeaning things anyone could ever say. Instead of drilling into yourself how terrible you are or using self-defeating language, reframe—and use language that builds you up, not tears you down,” Flaxington writes. So practice self-love and become the best, most attractive version of yourself.