7 Reasons I’m Scared To Fall In Love In These Times
“I’m falling for him Mansi, and I am scared”, I said to my editor this morning after having spent the last few days living on repeat in a moment I recently shared with a guy. But not just any other guy for that matter, a guy who after a very long time, may have succeeded in bringing my walls down. You see, even though it may sound strange coming from the mouth of a 24-year-old, that I have had enough experiences in my life to know better than to fall for anyone anymore, it is kinda true. At the age of 24, with 3 failed relationships on my record, all of which that gave me the feeling like they were ‘the one’ for me, I feel more exhausted than I feel hurt. But what I feel the most, is scared. Scared of the fact that I might have to do it all over again – the love, the commitment, the fights, the issues, the hurt and then the break up.
And maybe I wouldn’t have said this had we been living in a different time and space, but in this millennial age, falling in love is the closest you get to having an early-life crisis and seems like this is me, hitting mine. Built on the idea of living a fast paced life, and going with the flow (often without giving it direction), these are tumultuous times and difficult to built sound relationships in. Which is perhaps why, I saved myself from the drama and the hurt for the past three years by staying single. But that was up until I stumbled upon a guy that might be close to the perfect imperfect guy I’ve been subconsciously looking for, leaving me as confused as ever about what to do with him. But more importantly, what to do with this over-whelming feeling in the pit of my stomach.
And going out on the limb here, that I may not be the only millennial woman feeling this, here are 7 reasons why I feel scared to fall for a guy in today’s time…
Makes you Vulnerable
Love, is and has been, one of the most strongest and most stirring human emotions there is. It is only after realising that it is so consuming in nature that we often lose perspective and lay ourselves and our hearts out, bare. And honestly, it scares you to willingly put your heart on the line, knowing that it might end up hurt all over again. After all, how often does that fall turn into flying?
Cuts Back On That Me-Time
For someone like me, who doesn’t remember the last time when she even shared her cookie, let alone her time, her effort and her feelings, falling for a guy comes at the risk of losing out on that me-time that has kept me going for so long. It comes at the cost of dividing and negotiating priorities, and also allowing someone to cut through that self-sufficiency you’ve taken so long to build for yourself. And in a time like this, when everyone is too busy making it for themselves in the world, making time for someone else it is bound to leave you a little miffed, but in a good way.
Stirs Up Hurt From The Past
I am pretty confident when I say this, so I will just go ahead and say it – we all carry baggage. Most of us, by this point in our lives have already have had our heart broken. Some more than the others, and in ways more hurtful than the usual. And no matter how much we claim we are over that guy/girl, that relationship and that hurt, we still do carry a part of it with ourselves. And most of the times, it is those past remnants and those associations of having been hurt before or cheated on or rejected before, that start driving our present actions.
Fear Of Missing Out
The iconic millennial abbreviation that has kept most of us up on nights, anxious and restless, going everyone’s Insta stories. I say this, and at the risk of sounding like a player, that one of the most common and to a point – relevant reasons to feel scared to fall for a guy is also not being able to fall for anyone else. You see, us millennials, habitual of living in the moment and letting our infatuation get the best of us, always want to be in a position where we’re exploring our options as we go along. And falling for someone might just mean losing out on those spontaneous run-ins and connections along the way, however fleeting, but worth the adrenaline rush!
They say this is the time when we are all spoilt for choice. From eateries to clubs to movies to brands to boys, we are living in the digital age where options are plenty and we are unwilling to fully commit to a choice. Be it by way of the numerous dating apps we are on or sometimes by just allowing us to take forward that conversation at the bar with a guy , there is always a fear of losing your partner or yourself in the moment and straying.
Being someone who literally worships her work and is somewhat proud to call herself a workaholic, falling for a guy often feels like falling out of track in everything else, especially on the work front. With the feeling taking over you so quickly and completely, you’re bound to slip and let distractions get the better of you. And of course that’s okay, we’re all allowed to have a personal life but sometimes the guilt is overwhelming.
No matter how much we try to convince ourselves of the fact that this time is going to be different and that we won’t allow ourselves to expect, lest we end up getting hurt, the moment we fall for a guy, our expectations start to make a place almost immediately.Come to think of it, it is only natural. But history has borne witness that having expectations almost always lands you in the lap of disappointment and that is sometimes the biggest reason why people try and stay away from this altogether.