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5 Signs Your Boyfriend Is Judgemental

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I believe a partner is supposed to feel like home, like your best friend. I want to be able to share my deepest secrets with him. It gives you a feeling of freedom and lightness when you are able to be your crazy self and you know that he still finds you to be the most adorable being on Earth. You feel so blissful when there’s absolutely nothing that can make you feel embarrassed in front of him. You are not afraid of making mistakes and he will not judge your character on anything you did. But you won’t get that if your boyfriend is judgemental.

Isn’t that what we seek from our entourage? The entire world is out there to judge you but those close to us will see our flaws and know that they don’t define us. You feel safe in the arms of the person and it brings you closer. Got drunk and puked your intestines out? Yeah, not advisable, but he won’t label you irresponsible after that. Had an entire phase of hoe-ing around before him? So what? Love isn’t judgemental and if your boyfriend is, you will feel that constant fear of just what can make him think less of you.

We don’t deserve a man like that, sis. Is the guy you’re seeing judgemental? Here are 5 signs that he is, like that neighbourhood aunty moral-policing women who return home late.

Your boyfriend is morally evaluating your behaviour

I am not sure, does your boyfriend think that he has been anointed the inner voice that guides you towards doing the right thing? Is he your conscience? No. So why on earth would he keep criticising you for your actions, according to his views? Whether you have several male friends, you had a fight with your parents, or enjoy porn—if he is constantly throwing his moral evaluations of your behaviour at you, the boyfriend is judgemental AF.

He puts himself on a pedestal talking about his ideals

I used to date this guy who was a teetotaller and wanted to make sure I become one. He was so proud of being off alcohol, and all these other ideals that it was almost like he keeps writing himself testimonials about his goodness. Sure, bro, praise your ideals. But don’t look down on someone who doesn’t believe in yours. I am a vegetarian and it doesn’t mean I will get judgemental and go around making non-vegetarians feel like scum.

You feel like you can’t share things with your boyfriend

What happens when you tell your boyfriend about a guy hitting on you at a party? He is quick to jump to conclusions. He blames you for being promiscuous, or says it was probably you who “asked for it”. You don’t know what you can share with him because you just don’t know what will make you look like a lowly creature in his eyes. We don’t need such judgemental behaviour because we are adults and we know what we are doing. Thanks, but if we liked being judged so much, we’d probably be hanging out more with men who think women showing bra straps are fallen.

He is inquisitive about your past

Again, this guy that I regret having committed to interrogated me about my past. He wanted to know who I dated before him and who I had sex with. It felt like CBI was investigating my love life! And honestly, if my past matters so much to you, the next addition to it has to be you. If your boyfriend thinks you will go cheat on him because you made out with guys casually before being in a relationship, he is being judgemental AF. You enjoyed it, and that was your choice.

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Your boyfriend is constantly trying to ‘improve’ you

He wants to make you a better version of yourself and treats you like a project. He would like you to be this woman he considers ideal and thinks all that judgemental behaviour is “for your own good”. My friend’s husband thinks constantly nagging her for speaking to her friends is actually good. Apparently, she isn’t productive enough, she isn’t emotionally mature enough, her communication skills aren’t good enough. Turns out, she will never be enough. Because he is always picking on her behaviour. I am sorry but taking time out for your loved ones doesn’t mean you’re not productive. If he doesn’t believe in work-life balance, it is his choice. But with men who are so judgemental, you don’t have a choice. They tend to think of themselves as an ideal person having a higher moral ground who must ‘improve’ you. You have a case of judgemental boyfriend! Oh boy, that’s toxic.

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