5 Reasons The First Year Of Your Relationship Is The Most Challenging
We enter a relationship with so many hopes and dreams. We promise to love each other forever. He seems like the perfect guy for you; it feels like none of the guys you dated before could match up to this. Romantic songs begin to make sense again and couples indulging in PDA don’t nauseate you. However, six months later you begin to see the flaws, you begin to understand that perfection is fiction. Another few months down the line, you begin to see the real challenges of your relationship. Earlier, your only challenge was to decide which movie to go for or who will hang up first. Now, reality begins to hit you hard and before you know it, your relationship stops seeming worth all that mental peace you’re losing. Most couples tend to breakup during the first or second year mark. Why is that? If you know the cause, maybe you can make your relationships last longer than that.
The power struggle
Relationship expert Neil Strauss told Cupid’s Pulse how the first year of a relationship is full of challenges. He said, “A relationship starts with projection, where you don’t truly see who the other person is; you just see who you want them to be. The next stage is disillusionment, where you see who they really are and not your fantasy.” He further added that while the relationship is still fresh you both are trying to establish your roles, which often leads to a power struggle. Couples who are able to find a middle ground here stick around beyond the initial phase.
You begin to see your partner’s flaws
In the first three months, every person is at their best behaviour. As you begin to get to know each other, you begin to see them more realistically. Their annoying habits show up, and are no longer camouflaged by the honeymoon phase you were in. Since it’s a new relationship, you haven’t really learnt how to deal with your partner’s little quirks. For instance, when you wake up next to a snoring boyfriend, you probably feel like calling it quits but maybe there’s a way out – like investing in a good pair of ear plugs.
Love drug wears off
Researchers at University College London discovered that when you fall in love, certain sections of your brain deactivate. Umm, that’s probably why our minds are so clouded at the start of a relationship. These are the sections that we use to make judgements. This is probably why you look at him with googly eyes even when he has turned up in a hideous shirt that can put Govinda to shame. However, you can’t really live your life mentally blinded, so between one to three years, the reactivation begins to happen. Also the love drugs that were making them seem so dear to you begin to wear off. At this point, you wonder if you’re really into them or if you’ve signed up on a really bad game show.
You understand if they really are good for you
The first year of a relationship is like a test run. You get into it, trusting your partner to be good for you. In one year, you have enough opportunities to understand if they really have your best interest at heart, if they will stand up for you and if they love you selflessly. If you realise they aren’t the type you want to be with in long-term, sooner or later you will end the relationship.
You begin to question where the relationship is headed
Relationship expert April Masini told Bustle that people start seeking more commitment after a year of dating. “If, after a year of dating, one or the other doesn’t want to take that step — whether it’s moving in together, getting married or simply making monogamy important — this is when the one who wants a commitment should leave to pursue their personal relationship goals,” Masini said. This is when couples decide to part ways, if they are not on the same page.