5 Reasons It’s Completely Okay If You’re A Serial Dater Going From Relationship To Another
My entire adult life, I have never been able to invest my time in frivolous affairs. I don’t get into a relationship for convenience; I do for love. And when I have been in between two relationships, I have probably been going on occasional dates. So since the past ten years, I have either been in long-term relationships or just navigating through the dating pool half-heartedly. In fact, my best friend says I move on too quickly after a breakup – and basically make all mistakes according to the stereotypical relationship rules.
You should really be single, they say. You should take your time to mourn, they say. What people don’t realise is that a serial monogamist puts in their 100% in a relationship even when in essence, it’s really over. We overstay even in a bad relationship, working against the universe to make it work, until everything just vanishes into thin air. So if you ask me, I had been dealing with the heartbreak at least the last six months of the relationship. Which is why, by the time I actually breakup, I am already over that person. And I find it better that way – saves me the pain.
But this is not even the worse. Of course, your besties are just being concerned. But there are still so many people who assume that a girl who has dated multiple people is probably too easy. They slut-shame you or just assume that you’re a player, or worse damaged! They say, there must be something wrong with you if you can’t sustain in a relationship. But how about just being intolerant of nonsense? Especially because – let’s be honest – Indian men aren’t a piece of cake to be with. From mama’s boys to those who just suck at romance to misogynists – it’s really rare to find a guy who is good at relationships.
If you’re a serial monogamist or serial dater, let me tell you that it’s completely okay. There’s really nothing wrong with you and don’t let the several relationship articles tell you otherwise. Here’s why!
1) You learn a lot about relationships
Take it from a relationship writer, that is moi, you really do learn a lot but only if you are open to it. We learn how to handle arguments without tearing each other down. We understand that most insecurities are just in our heads and that space is sometimes very important to keep the spark alive. There’s so much to learn and different relationships teach you that. But most importantly, you learn from having been with multiple people that nobody is really perfect and some flaws are just more acceptable than others.
2) You understand your own shortcomings
When you have been in a couple of relationships, you tend to identify patterns and if you’re smart enough, you introspect. Like I used to be a lot more possessive in my first relationship than I am now. Have all your boyfriends complained that you tend to be very rude when angry? Sometimes it’s great to take feedback. I would have advised you to take an exit interview but that would just be odd so let’s not take it that far.
3) Sex is meaningful to you
People who believe in relationships are hopeless romantics. Casual sex is easier to find and possibly with faster delivery than your online food order. But it’s nothing like the intimacy you feel with a partner you are in love with. A serial dater has experienced sex in its truest intimate form and it just makes you a delicate lover!
4) It makes you more independent
They say if you are always in a relationship, it means you aren’t independent enough. Honestly, this couldn’t have been more false. I know people who have been forever single and yet feel awkward even grabbing a cup of coffee alone. Me? I love doing things by myself – I go for movies, read in a café, grab a drink, and go on long walks – in my own company. And I am what they call, a serial monogamist.
5) It means you don’t give up on love and that’s great
A lot of people become bitter after a failed relationship. But you love like you’ve never been hurt. You are optimistic and still believe that you will find the one. And with that attitude, I am sure you will.