8 Things Nobody Tells You About Marriage, But They Should
Isn’t it ironic that the one thing that we collectively, as a society, consider an important milestone, is something we are not taught enough about? We’re talking about marriage – that thing that everybody and their uncle wants you to do; that thing that elevates your social status, and makes you worthy of respect; that thing that your parents start planning for the moment you’re born; that thing without which your life is considered incomplete. The institution of marriage is central to our social fabric, yet, how many of us are given some sort of guidelines before we enter it? I mean, we know more about the guidelines at an amusement park than we do about marriage. Here are 8 things we wish people would talk about marriage before they expect us to tie the knot.
1. The wedding is irrelevant to the marriage
The big, fat Indian wedding is an entity of its own. The bigger, the better. But, let’s not forget that your D-day is not worth fussing over. It is just a party you throw that comes with a buffet spread to impress. It is not, in any way, an indicator of the life ahead of you. A great wedding doesn’t mean that you will have a great marriage!
2. Marriage is not all roses
There are ups and downs in a marriage, but the reality goes beyond these occasional fights. Marriage is about building a life together, and that involves managing finances, paying the bills, keeping the house clean, cooking, and all the other mundane things that living together involves. Sometimes, this can seep into the relationship and make things boring (yes, that dreaded word).
3. Marriage needs work
When you are married to someone, you have to accommodate their needs. Every decision is a team decision. Your actions impact your spouse. To top this all, you have to sometimes make an effort to not become complacent and keep the spark alive!
4. Nagging corrodes the best of marriages
As an outsider, the bickering that is typical of married couple may seem entertaining, or harmless. But, one of the biggest killers of a relationship is nagging, and marriage is not immune to it. Like any relationship, it’s important that you focus on the positives, and learn to not hold on to grudges. Easier said than done.
5. Marriage is team work
Whether you divide chores and other life responsibilities, or you stick and go through everything together, the point is, marriage is about building a successful, functioning team. In cheesy, trite terms, it’s “you against the world”.
6. It’s important to have your own life
This is perhaps one of the most commonly missed keys to a successful marriage. We – especially women – are told all too often that marriage changes your life, and that you don’t have time for yourself or your freedom once you’re hitched. We forget how toxic a relationship would be if there is no individuality left at all. It is crucial, more than ever, to maintain your own social circle, or a set of activities that you do that add to your sense of self.
7. …And your own savings
This, too, is a misconception about marriage. Because of the insipid idea about ‘sharing’ everything from bed to breakfast, women end up not having their own savings that they can bank on, should the need arise. Yes, it’s fine to have a joint bank account and combine your other assets, but maintain your own, too.
8. But, at the end of the day, a good marriage can make your life monumentally better!
If we must compare, then we’d say that being single is better than being in a bad relationship, but being in a good relationship is better than being single! And if it’s a good relationship for life, what can get better than that?