#ModernDating: How NOT To Start A Conversation On Tinder
If you’re anywhere between 18 and 85, chances are that you are part of the Modern Dating movement. Dating apps, text conversations, and dick pics seem to be the order of the day. But what about old-fashioned romance, writing letters to your lover, sending flowers, whispering sweet nothings, and actually waiting for The One? Is it all dead? Do you now have to make peace with “Wanna hang?” texts as opposed to proper dinner invitations? Honestly, we don’t know. But it helps to know you’re not alone, right? In Hauterfly’s new Modern Dating column, our Managing Editor explores this crazy world and goes through the motions with you — all from personal experience. Don’t forget to log in every Monday.
If you’re anything like me, you’ll do the exact opposite of what this column will say. You see, I’m a rebel, which is why when you tell me NOT to do something, chances are, Imma do it. Which is why most of my peeps, husband included, often have to resort to reverse psychology on me, and most often, it works. Yeah, so bright I am, no?
Anyway, the point is, there are certain moments and situations in life when you should heed advice. And how to function on Tinder, especially for those who have been thrown into it with no prior training (yeah, I wouldn’t be surprised if they start courses on it soon), is one of them.
Tinder, or any dating app, for that matter, is pretty much as superficial as the world is right now. Everything, and by everything, I mean your possible future love story, hinges on a few photos and a few lines in a bio. How hard could that be, right? Way wrong. If you’re on Tinder, then you know just how wrong people can go with this.
I’ll keep the choice of photos for another post, but for now, I’ll give you some tips on how NOT to start a conversation on the app — and mind you, this is gender neutral. Women can be as douchey and stupid as men.
Ban The So-Called Word ‘Ssup’ From Your Dictionary
Seriously, no self-respecting adult should be using the word (and I use this painfully) ‘Ssup’ under any circumstances, least of all when you’re trying to impress someone (s). WTF does it even mean? How is one supposed to respond to ‘Ssup’? Ever so often, I immediately unmatched anyone who messaged me with a ‘Ssup’. You call it brutal? I call it sanity.
Don’t Just Say ‘Hey’ And Disappear
Yes, ‘Hey’ is a conversation-starter in the world of millenials, but imagine the level of dullness to that conversation:
Then what? Means, be a little creative/intelligent, no?
Do NOT Objectify
You may think it’s perfectly alright to ‘compliment’ someone on her figure or on his pecks, but really, guys, must you give away just how superficial you are in the very first line of the conversation? Maybe weave in how much you appreciate her boobs or his bulge once you’ve reached the level of possible sexting?
Don’t Forget ALL About The Usage Of Tact
Sure, it’s Tinder. Sure, you’re on it to get some. Sure, you want to be honest. But do you really think you’re getting into anyone’s pants by saying “Hey, wanna hook up tonight?”? It doesn’t matter how ‘hot’ you are, after all, you are a complete stranger. So no, I do not want to have sex with you TONIGHT.
Emojis Are Not A Legit Conversation Starter
Yes, we know, you’re a millenial. But does using actual words need THAT much more effort than clicking on a bunch of emojis which will likely not convey what you’re trying to communicate? Think about it — if you were meeting someone in real life, would you communicate by making a bunch of weird faces at them? No, na? You can’t let out your inner freak that soon. Emojis are accompaniments to text, much like raita is to biriyani. No one wants just raita for dinner.
Here Are A Few Things You Can Try
- Use his/her name. Make it personal.
- Read his/her bio and start with something specific you’ve read on it.
- Give a decent, generous compliment on a particular photo. Avoid the clichéd, “you’ve beautiful eyes”.
- Open with a joke. A sense of humour is ALWAYS appreciated.
- Maybe open the conversation with a trending topic? If he/she is clueless, you can unmatch quickly.
Have you met someone special through a dating app? Did you feel a connection when you were just looking for a hook-up? Tell me… tell me everything! Share your little love stories with me on firstname.lastname@example.org or tweet at me @Chat_Boi, and stand a chance to get featured in Hauterfly’s #ModernDating column. The world could do with a little love, no?
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